Depression, unfortunately, comes with some not so great side-affects. Everyone is different, I suppose, but for me I seem to have a negative correlation between my stress and depression, and my appetite. The worse my illness becomes in a given episode, the less I consume, and vise versa.

I guess losing weight unintentionally would be a great thing for some people, but for someone who already is suffering with major heath issues, losing excess weight is not needed or preferred. A lot of my clothes simply fit weird these days. Even clothes bought more recently seem to feel looser. I don’t particularly like this, especially because my eating disorder seems to be triggered with the consistent weight loss. I’m not quite as small as I was when suffering from anorexia, but I can sense myself thinking similar ED-like thoughts from before. I try to not weight myself frequently because of this.

What does it feel like to not eat all day? Sometimes, it feels pretty normal if not needed. I often am stressed and feel “full” of this energy and feeling, which usually translates into my stomach. Even without eating, my stomach will still occasionally feel bloated and not at all hungry. I also find it somewhat nauseating to chew and consume food. If I do find myself wanting food, it usually is something stronger and more potent in flavor such as french fries or maybe ice-cream, as I feel I can consume foods that really “spark” my taste buds a little easier than common foods that taste like nothing.

Alcohol or perhaps some smoking will mediate this and aid me in eating. But neither of these things are exactly health or recommended when taking other meds. So for the most part, I try to just eat something small and healthier in order to get me through the day.

If you have struggled with this as well let me know. I would be interested in hearing other people’s experiences.

Natalie