If you weren’t able to tell, I have a bad habit of choosing terrible men. I have dated men on all sides of the abusive spectrum- from an ex that manipulated and gaslit me for years, to a dude who managed to put multiple holes in my apartment in just a few months of seeing him. None of these guys struck me as problematic at first, but their red flags only multiplied as time went on. It seemed like I attracted (or I guess was attracted to) men who were either emotionally unavailable, abusive, unstable, or some odd combination of.
When I met my husband, I was in a weird spot between swearing off men and dating one of my exes on and off. I was emotionally drained and struggling to to balance my emotional state with my job, finances, school, and personal endeavors. I wasn’t happy trying to make things work with my ex, my job was suffocating me, and my depression was making its way back to the front of my life. While I was still generally happy and made great efforts to do things that were healthy for me, I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t emotionally and physically straining myself. I’d go days without eating because depression made hunger a joke, and stomaching food was sickening. I had trouble sleeping, was basically never home because of all my obligations, and felt like I wanted more from life but didn’t know how to obtain it.
Despite all the craziness, befriending my husband Jose was the easiest and most natural processes I’ve ever experienced. As I have mentioned previously, I went to highschool with my husband’s cousin, and we ended up officially meeting through her and another highschool friend. We didn’t meet under circumstances to “date” or anything like that. We simply became instant friends after talking and getting to know each other. Jose was the easiest person to open up to, because unlike most every other guy in my life, he was incredibly kind and understanding. Not only that, but Jose NEVER made our friendship “weird” by trying to push boundaries. A lot of times, guys will try to “get to know” you or be your friend just to date you or try to sleep with you. Jose never, ever made me feel uncomfortable, nor did he ever make our friendship seem as if he was expecting more at any point. He genuinely just cared about me and my well being, and for the first time I truly felt appreciated and cared for by a guy without any stress on my end to act a certain way. (I am sure other women reading this will understand what I mean. It often is very difficult to actually be FRIENDS with a straight man, because of the tension of the guy trying to flirt or make moves on you. This never happened with Jose, because he was always incredibly respectful and genuine in his friendship.)
Being in a platonic friendship with Jose before dating and marrying him was also an amazing opportunity for me to observe his character. When you’re dating someone, there is reason for them to be on their “best behavior”. But because Jose and I were just friends, I was able to see just how caring and great of a person he was outside of a relationship. He was such a genuine and funny person, and always put others feelings and needs in consideration. He was so giving, sweet and caring towards his own circle of family and friends, as well as mine. His character was so different than that of many other men I knew. Jose was such a calm, stable force in my life much unlike the violent, angry and stressful presence of any other man I dated. It really reiterated the fact that not ALL men are assholes, and being around emotionally unavailable men really started becoming an absolute drag when I knew the closest male to me was already the best all-around.
I had to finally cut out my ex entirely before I allowed myself to consider being with Jose. The opportunity was there, but I felt like it was not fair for me to try to be with Jose when I was emotionally still caught up with my abusive past. But once I was completely separated from my ex in every aspect, my mindset and well-being drastically improved and I was able to see more clearly what I wanted in a partner. I realized that Jose was already my absolute best friend, the person I went to immediately with everything, and ultimately he was the only person I truly felt 100% comfortable with. I suddenly felt really silly, because it was so easy for me to see that Jose was the best person for me in every way. Why I spent/wasted soooo much time and energy on men who treated me terribly, I don’t know, but I guess I really had to learn the hard way before the universe aligned itself for things to fall into place with Jose. Truly, since I finally saw how dumb I had been and started prioritizing my health and peace, I have been so incredibly happy.
Jose and I kinda jumped from friends to dating-marriage-baby SUPER quickly. As in, a matter of months! In any other situation I would say that was asinine, but in our case it just made sense. Everything felt right and not rushed in any way. Another really great sign was the fact that ALL our friends and family supported us being together and getting married- there was never anyone telling us that we were “rushing”, moving too quickly, or that things wouldn’t work out. I think that all our friends and family adored us as individuals and even more so as a couple, and already saw how happy and committed we were. Even when we found out and announced I was pregnant, literally EVERYONE was overjoyed! We have been given so much support and love through our entire relationship, marriage, and pregnancy.
As we near the end of my pregnancy, I felt like writing about our relationship and marriage seemed appropriate. This pregnancy has been very difficult, with progesterone treatments through the first trimester and basically non-stop sickness since day one. I have been so weak and hormonal, super dizzy, and unable to hold much food down. I have tried to keep up as much as I can during the pandemic, in terms of both work and keeping up with basic chores, but it has been an extremely exhausting process. I am *so* lucky and blessed to have Jose with me, who has catered so much to my needs and has been the best support I could ask for. He has adored me through the entire process and has made the experience so much better. If it weren’t for him and his help, I don’t know how I would have made it through the past 38 weeks. At this point we are both SO ready for baby Austin to make his arrival! Jose is going to be the best dad ever. I feel so comforted and confident knowing my son will be raised with the most kind, well rounded, and caring man I know.