My Husband Is The Best

If you weren’t able to tell, I have a bad habit of choosing terrible men. I have dated men on all sides of the abusive spectrum- from an ex that manipulated and gaslit me for years, to a dude who managed to put multiple holes in my apartment in just a few months of seeing him. None of these guys struck me as problematic at first, but their red flags only multiplied as time went on. It seemed like I attracted (or I guess was attracted to) men who were either emotionally unavailable, abusive, unstable, or some odd combination of.

Me and Jose with kitty cat Princess. Look how cute we are!!

When I met my husband, I was in a weird spot between swearing off men and dating one of my exes on and off. I was emotionally drained and struggling to to balance my emotional state with my job, finances, school, and personal endeavors. I wasn’t happy trying to make things work with my ex, my job was suffocating me, and my depression was making its way back to the front of my life. While I was still generally happy and made great efforts to do things that were healthy for me, I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t emotionally and physically straining myself. I’d go days without eating because depression made hunger a joke, and stomaching food was sickening. I had trouble sleeping, was basically never home because of all my obligations, and felt like I wanted more from life but didn’t know how to obtain it.

At my old apartment, right before Covid hit. Jose and I would stay up all night watching Jeopardy! with the cats.

Despite all the craziness, befriending my husband Jose was the easiest and most natural processes I’ve ever experienced. As I have mentioned previously, I went to highschool with my husband’s cousin, and we ended up officially meeting through her and another highschool friend. We didn’t meet under circumstances to “date” or anything like that. We simply became instant friends after talking and getting to know each other. Jose was the easiest person to open up to, because unlike most every other guy in my life, he was incredibly kind and understanding. Not only that, but Jose NEVER made our friendship “weird” by trying to push boundaries. A lot of times, guys will try to “get to know” you or be your friend just to date you or try to sleep with you. Jose never, ever made me feel uncomfortable, nor did he ever make our friendship seem as if he was expecting more at any point. He genuinely just cared about me and my well being, and for the first time I truly felt appreciated and cared for by a guy without any stress on my end to act a certain way. (I am sure other women reading this will understand what I mean. It often is very difficult to actually be FRIENDS with a straight man, because of the tension of the guy trying to flirt or make moves on you. This never happened with Jose, because he was always incredibly respectful and genuine in his friendship.)

Jose always thinks he is too cool to smile.

Being in a platonic friendship with Jose before dating and marrying him was also an amazing opportunity for me to observe his character. When you’re dating someone, there is reason for them to be on their “best behavior”. But because Jose and I were just friends, I was able to see just how caring and great of a person he was outside of a relationship. He was such a genuine and funny person, and always put others feelings and needs in consideration. He was so giving, sweet and caring towards his own circle of family and friends, as well as mine. His character was so different than that of many other men I knew. Jose was such a calm, stable force in my life much unlike the violent, angry and stressful presence of any other man I dated. It really reiterated the fact that not ALL men are assholes, and being around emotionally unavailable men really started becoming an absolute drag when I knew the closest male to me was already the best all-around.

We did get married in the middle of a pandemic…

I had to finally cut out my ex entirely before I allowed myself to consider being with Jose. The opportunity was there, but I felt like it was not fair for me to try to be with Jose when I was emotionally still caught up with my abusive past. But once I was completely separated from my ex in every aspect, my mindset and well-being drastically improved and I was able to see more clearly what I wanted in a partner. I realized that Jose was already my absolute best friend, the person I went to immediately with everything, and ultimately he was the only person I truly felt 100% comfortable with. I suddenly felt really silly, because it was so easy for me to see that Jose was the best person for me in every way. Why I spent/wasted soooo much time and energy on men who treated me terribly, I don’t know, but I guess I really had to learn the hard way before the universe aligned itself for things to fall into place with Jose. Truly, since I finally saw how dumb I had been and started prioritizing my health and peace, I have been so incredibly happy.

Us at our second baby shower thrown by our friend Tracy!!

Jose and I kinda jumped from friends to dating-marriage-baby SUPER quickly. As in, a matter of months! In any other situation I would say that was asinine, but in our case it just made sense. Everything felt right and not rushed in any way. Another really great sign was the fact that ALL our friends and family supported us being together and getting married- there was never anyone telling us that we were “rushing”, moving too quickly, or that things wouldn’t work out. I think that all our friends and family adored us as individuals and even more so as a couple, and already saw how happy and committed we were. Even when we found out and announced I was pregnant, literally EVERYONE was overjoyed! We have been given so much support and love through our entire relationship, marriage, and pregnancy.

As we near the end of my pregnancy, I felt like writing about our relationship and marriage seemed appropriate. This pregnancy has been very difficult, with progesterone treatments through the first trimester and basically non-stop sickness since day one. I have been so weak and hormonal, super dizzy, and unable to hold much food down. I have tried to keep up as much as I can during the pandemic, in terms of both work and keeping up with basic chores, but it has been an extremely exhausting process. I am *so* lucky and blessed to have Jose with me, who has catered so much to my needs and has been the best support I could ask for. He has adored me through the entire process and has made the experience so much better. If it weren’t for him and his help, I don’t know how I would have made it through the past 38 weeks. At this point we are both SO ready for baby Austin to make his arrival! Jose is going to be the best dad ever. I feel so comforted and confident knowing my son will be raised with the most kind, well rounded, and caring man I know.

❤ ❤

Confirmation Bias is Ruining America

I am out here and ready to fight…This ridiculous content running through my social media feeds is driving me insane.

I wrote about cognitive dissonance before on this blog, and this issue reminds me of the post. I say this because the crazy beliefs people in America hold right now are mounted on nothing more than bias. The majority of people sharing content, expressing their concerns, and outright rioting are placing their entire personalities on ideas that are usually FALSE. What is worse, is that these people are also completely unswayed by actual facts and instead propelled by the ignorance of other individuals or news outlets. I bang my head against the wall almost daily, crying WHY DO PEOPLE NOT FACT-CHECK?!

So today, I am writing about a phenomenon called confirmation bias. The term is used to explain people’s tendency to easily believe and adhere to information that better suits their own personal beliefs, and reject information that opposes their beliefs. For instance, if a person really loved waffles and found a Buzzfeed article suggesting that waffles were the best breakfast in America, they would probably be more inclined to share that information instead of a story that favors pancakes instead. This seems kinda logical, right? Who wouldn’t naturally lean towards the information that caters to their preference? The problems with confirmation bias lay within more complex topics. Sure, doting on your favorite food is an innocent behavior- but sharing articles with misinformation on politicians, racism, stocks, or even environmental issues is a bigger concern.

People are engulfed daily with news to process. We open Facebook to a madhouse of articles and shared posts. I can’t even tell you how many times a family member has posted gibberish about their least-favorite senator being a child-eating, Illumiti loving alien. There is literally *endless* information to be found online, and I honestly think it is dangerous when people instantly agree with the hooplah they see shared. No matter how untrue or misleading something might be, you can bet that people will absolutely eat it up if the information already leans towards what they personally believe.

This has been a problem since, well, forever. Ancient Greek historian Thucydides said humans “entrust to careless hope” what they wish to be true, and “thrust aside” what they don’t. Or take a look at early Catholicism or Christianity, where biblical texts were literally left out or edited to please whatever the ruling class wanted at the time. And did white people not convince themselves that black people were property, or even 3/5ths of a human, just to appease their own agendas and money making abilities? To put this all simply, I think humans just want to be “right”. They don’t quite care if it inconveniences people or completely neglects the morality or truths that oppose their views. Humans usually just want what will be easiest and most satisfactory for them at that particular time.

“AUSTIN, TX – APRIL 18: A protester holds up a sign protesting wearing a mask at the Texas State Capital building on April 18, 2020 in Austin, Texas. “(Photo by Sergio Flores/Getty Images) Funny how protests and using language such as “My Body, My Choice” only is acceptable when the issue is something *they* care about?

I am angry and frustrated because the increase of public unrest in our country has only been met with ignorance. With exception of a few politicians (hi, Bernie, I’m looking at you), the United States has really shown their ass when faced with high profile issues impacting the entire nation. Last year, citizens dealt with a whirlwind of chaos when the 2020 Covid pandemic hit; many government officials absolutely did not take the virus seriously, with our own President Trump not acting on the problem until months after he was notified. My lovely Texas governor, Greg Abbott, has repeatedly reopened the state despite the ridiculously high numbers of Covid cases. Both of these Republicans have failed citizens and heightened infection risks for millions- and why? Before shutdowns began in March of 2020, Trump was calling the Coronavirus “the Democrats’ new hoax“- mainly in relation to his (first) failed impeachment, and how that was obviously a Democratic hoax as well. This dismissive narrative fit perfectly with his predisposition to question authority, science, and invoke suspicion in his supporters so that they continued to trust him as their leader, and push aside any opposing views. Governor Abbott, in a way, had an easier time reopening a covid-ridden state because he and the majority of other Republicans have continuously agreed with Trump and his ridiculous statements- after all, since Covid isn’t even real, why should we shut down our economy and lose precious jobs and money?

Despite the science presented by experts, the dangers and warnings issued by the CDC, and thousands of people dying from the virus daily, there are still people in 2021 denying the pandemic and refusing to wear face coverings or social distance. The idea of trying to shut down any part of the country is met with criticism, despite it likely being the best method to reduce and potentially rid our country of the virus. Our country has been failed by our leaders, who have chosen to believe the (false) “facts” and policies that best align with their personal ideals and endeavors rather than the wellbeing of a nation. And to make matters worse, thousands of citizens have also fallen victim to confirmation bias because the views of their Republican leaders match their own problematic and selfish desires. Science and facts are extremely hard to accept when it is much easier to believe in a “hoax” and deflect socio-economic issues onto another party- especially now that Biden and Harris have taken over office.

“WASHINGTON, DC – JANUARY 06: Pro-Trump supporters storm the U.S. Capitol following a rally with President Donald Trump.”(Photo by Samuel Corum/Getty Images) Protesting peacefully for BLM at the Capital was ridiculed and labeled “dangerous” by Trump, but when Trump supporters did it with genuine perilous intent, Trump dismisses the rioters as “good people”.

Our American government is supposed to distinguish between the church and the state. We the people have the right to freedoms of speech and religion amongst other things, but when our country seems to rely heavily on bias of the people in charge these rights become confusing. On one hand, our government officials have the right to believe in things like Christianity- but what happens when these leaders begin to impose their own moral compass onto the people? Trump seemed to have no problem influencing his presidency with overtones of conservative “Christian” values, which typically translated into policies such as opposition of gay rights or limiting access to women’s healthcare. Of course, those that guzzled up every word Trump spewed were usually elated by these policies. His following typically were conservative, religious folk that did not want to alter their traditional mindsets. Instead of considering any progressive forms of leadership, they simply accepted his proposals without batting an eye- and seeing how the Senate was ruled by the Republican party at the time, Trump was able to accomplish quite a bit of destruction due to congress almost always voting in his favor. I bring these points up because the last four years of government have not been led with equality and the interest of the people in mind; Trump’s America has seen some of the worst examples of racism, hatred and negligence because people have gone along with policies that support bigotry and harm to our democracy. Greed, racism, and classism have been prevalent themes throughout the entirety of Trump’s regime. The concept of confirmation bias has been shown strongly throughout the past four years, to the point that families and friends have been torn apart due to people’s inability to fact check and perhaps put aside their religious or personal set of morals for the greater good of the nation.

I can only hope for a brighter future for the United States and the American people. The last few years, in my opinion, has really shed light on the cracks of our nation and democracy. It has brought out the worst in people,and exposed those with bad intentions and judgemental, often prejudice beliefs. While I understand that our nation’s problems are politically much more complex than the opinions I glossed over in this post, I intended to pinpoint just a small sector of issues that hurt our country. I also understand that people might take offense to the arguments I present. All of this just goes to show that there is so much more conversation that is needed in order to reshape and ideally equalize our nation. In a perfect America, we would not have political “extremes” of either party, nor would we make such a fuss over issues that are greatly civil rights or humanitarian concerns. I long for a democracy that truly favors the people, and that does not fall victim to logical fallacies more often than it believes in truths and science- I can only keep my fingers crossed that this reality happens within my lifetime.

What are your thoughts on this?

-Nat

2020 Travels and Things (Part 2)

Hi friends! As promised, here is part 2 of my 2020 wrap-up. I hope you enjoy!

April

April was one of the slowest months I experienced in 2020. Places were shut down, and although some folks were taking advantage of the ridiculously cheap flights, I was nestled in my couch at home. My friend Kenzie was staying with me at the time, as her lease ended in April, and mine ended in May. To give her some time to look at places that would best fit her new needs (new job, new school), it was easier for her to crash at my place.

Most of our days were filled with snacks, the cats, and watching new T.V. shows. During this time, I watched the rest of Breaking Bad (which was absolutely fantastic), and dabbled in other shows I was interested in. To be honest, becoming interested in any television show or movie is difficult for me. I found myself resorting back to Jeopardy a lot, which is objectively my favorite show.

My friend Dalon stopped by a few times, as well as my friend Kase. Kenzie was always over (obviously), and so was Jose, so it was nice that we kinda isolated together and weren’t alone. To pass time, Jose and I started on a working out streak and would jog around my apartment complex multiple times a week. (I am a terrible runner, and running even half a mile takes me OUT).

One night, Jose’s sister Claudia took us back to their old apartment complex, where we tried to swim in one of the pools. It was way too cold, and I didn’t even have on proper swim gear anyway. At least we got pics for the gram, I guess.

Kenzie, Hot Pocket, and me! Cozying up at my apartment.
My friend Dalon stopped by!
Jeopordy, takeout, and laundry.
My sister and her bestie, I was over at my mother’s house visiting.
TACO TIME. Can you tell we ate a lot during lockdown?
Me, debating on getting in the cold water
We snuck into Claudia’s old apartments. It was COLD

May

MUCH more adventurous than the previous month, May started off on an excellent note with getting approved for a new townhome! I was soo ready to leave my old place. Although it was a fun and affordable little area, I made the mistake of not getting an apartment with laundry machines, PLUS I was on a third floor walk up. Grocery hauls were the worst, going out in rain or cold to have clean clothes was terrible, and my complex was notorious for towing cars- seriously, even *I* was towed from my own complex more than once. Screw that.

On the day that Jose and I were literally headed to drop off the security deposit to the leasing management, we found BABY KITTENS under a car in my complex parking lot!! We found four in total- two black kitties, a tabby, and a tuxedo. We searched around for the mommy cat, with no luck. While we were worried about where the mom cat could be, we were more worried about getting the babies out from under a car and inside away from the super hot Texas sun. We gathered all four of them up and rushed back upstairs and woke Kenzie up, who was once a vet tech. Safe to say we all fell in love!

We took the kitties to the vet, where they were examined and given de-worming treatment. The vet told us that the kittens were around 2 weeks old, and super fragile. We followed their instructions and bought kitten formula powder and bottles, and gave them a big box to sleep in with a heating pad. We all three took turns caring for the little ones, because they had to be fed every 2 hours around the clock. They were so young, that we had to help them go potty too- something usually momma cat does for them. It was very tiring but oh-so worth it. They were the most precious little things, and caring for them was an absolute joy. Seeing them grow (so fast!), play together, and start to adventure into big-kitty territory was sooo precious. After the kittens were old enough, my good friend Taylor adopted the Tuxedo baby and named him Jasper, while my other friend Calvin took the Tabby and named him Sora. We were left with the two black kitties, only one of which was a girl. I particularly loved her, who I named Rosie, because she was the runt of the group and very small.

Soon after we had found the kitties, Jose and I took a road trip to south Texas with his sister and their cousin, Angel. (We were able to organize Jose’s brother taking the cats for the time we were away, because Kenzie was working while we were gone.) Remember how I said I hate road trips? Yeah, this trip got me HELL-TO-THE-NO fucked UP. The trip ONE WAY from Dallas to McAllen is 9 hours, including minimal restroom breaks. I literally wanted to die the entire trip there (and back). I know, I’m the worst complainer alive probably, but I really did feel like it was that insufferable. Obviously being with Jose, Claudia, and Angel was super fun, but the act of sitting in a car for so long nearly made me cry. They claim it’s because I’m a white girl, which is probably a decent explanation…

Anyway, we left Dallas around 1am (I know, we are insane), and trekked through the night to our hotel on South Padre Island. Our plan was to stay there for two nights, enjoy the beach life, and travel the short distance over to McAllen area where their family and cousins live during our days there. The first day there, we napped for a bit in the morning before heading out to the beach- which, amazingly, was WALKING distance from our hotel. Jose and I stayed out there longer than Claudia and Angel, who left the beach after an hour or so in search of some fast food. I absolutely love the beach, so staying out for hours in the water is usually no problem for me! Luckily, Jose is the same, so we had lots of fun being outdoors with the beach very sparsely populated.

The only issue that occured from the beach was getting HELLA sunburnt. I reapplied sunscreen two or three times, but I guess my light skin was weak and couldn’t hold up a fight against Texas sun. Jose was burnt badly too, but his stubborn ass didn’t reapply sunscreen despite my efforts, so that one is on him… Sunburnt and hurting, we drove out to visit their family later that day. No one had been exposed to the virus and everyone had been wearing masks, so we felt safe seeing a few people at the time. His aunts fed us tamales and one of them graciously cut up some fresh aloe-vera plant for Jose and I to use on our skin. She also gifted us a plant to take home, which now is HUGE and resides outside in our backyard.

We slept at the hotel that night, then we headed home in the morning. It was really cool being so close to the Mexico border, so hopefully the next time I go down to south Texas I will have my passport and could maybe explore. (Also, whenever Covid is at rest…)

On May 15th, we moved into the new townhouse in a much better part of Dallas. It was a beautiful, 2 bed 2.5 bath house that was two stories! It also came equipped with a new washer and dryer setup. I love the location, and our gated community feels a lot safer compared to my previous apartment. Also, this location DOESN’T tow, so now my friends, family and I can rest in PEACE knowing none of our vehicles will be gone in the morning.

A while after moving into our new place, Rosie unfortunately passed away due to common kitten health problems. We did everything we could to save her, including multiple vet trips (and vet bills…) which proved to not help in the end. We buried her in our back yard, and planted a potted rose plant above her in memory. Instead of the other black kitten, Benito, going to a friend of ours, we decided to keep him for ourselves. He has grown up so much since summer-time, and is honestly a little asshole most days, but he keeps our household full of fun and entertains both us and Pocket and Princess.

Benito after bath time.
HOW. Cute. Are. They.
CATS!!
Feeding the CATS!!
Nearly empty beaches on SPI
The water was sooo nice.
I didn’t bring sunglasses. Whoops.
Can you see I was BURNT?
Passing through border patrol on our way back home.
We moved! Woohoo!
Pocket making herself at HOME. PLOP

June

June was an important time in history, with uproar around the world about the unjust murders of black men and women. Even my little, relatively conservative hometown in Texas had people who cared and wanted change to happen. The town hosted a peaceful protest, escorted by our city police that made a speech before the start of the protest/march. They discussed ways the department would be making changes and improving their training and expectations for their police officers, especially around the topic of police brutality and abuse of power. After the speakers, the protesters (including myself, Jose, and our friend Eddy) marched across a shut-down highway. We all stopped at the end of the street and sat in silence for seven minutes and forty six seconds, the same amount of time that officer Chauvin had his knee on the neck of George Floyd. It was a very pleasant protest experience, and I wish I had been able to attend more.

Later that month, Jose and I had a pool day with our friend Summer. It was super nice to be out in the sun, drinking beers and listening to music. We also grilled carne asada, and brought ingredients to make corn tortilla tacos for lunch. Just a few days after, we took a rendezvous trip down to Galveston Island just to get out of the city. We drove out in the middle of the night, so we arrived at the beachside in time to see the beautiful sunrise. We walked down the shore as the sunrose, with no one else on the beach except fishermen wading out in the water. We actually saw a small shark on the sand, which likely belonged to a fisherman! We stayed for one night at a cheap Air BnB, and got boba on our way back home to Dallas. If you can’t tell, both Jose and I are water signs and tend to be at peace around the ocean. Driving down to the beach is definitely our go-to move whenever we are depressed or sad.

The weekend of June 18th, my mom, sister and I took a special girls trip to Austin and Fredericksburg to celebrate life after my depression and suicide attempt. We drove into Fredericksburg on our first day, and explored the small little town and all it’s downtown shops. Despite the smaller crowds, the town has a super cool policy that allows folks to purchase alcohol and walk around the downtown square with it. So, my mom and I bought some beers and sipped on them while we explored. We stopped by a sweets store and munched on some goodies, and my sister and mother found some cute items at some boutiques. After the sun began to set, we got back in the car and headed out for our hotel in Austin.

The next morning, we rented out paddleboards at the Colorado River that goes through the heart of the city. I had paddleboarded before, but it was the first time for my mom and sister. We had a lot of fun on the water, of course with sunglasses and SPF in hand. The weather was beautiful, and the river cuts through some amazing scenery in Austin! Up the river are great views of the city and its architecture, while the other direction is filled with trees and greenery. My mom especially loves outdoor activities, and she was super happy that all three of us did this together.

After our paddleboard session, we stopped by a delicious food spot down the street for some yummy Tex-Mex fare. The city of Austin is known for it’s fantastic food scene, so this spot definitely did not disappoint. Afterwards, we walked around a little hidden market near the restaurant and all three got coffees at a hole-in-the-wall coffeeshop. We had a three hour ride ahead of us, so we left Austin relatively early so that we could get home with enough time to enjoy the evening that night. The trip was really fun, although relatively stressful because pairing my mother, sister, and I together in a car for too long kidna creates chaos. I love them though!