Happy Pride month everyone! This is quite possibly my favorite PRIDE season yet (even after attending two years of Pride in NYC!). I am literally LIVING for all the inclusive brands, all the campaigns raising awareness, and all the cute and fabulous stuff I can buy to show off all year round. It’s the season of love, my dears.
I currently live in Texas again, where a lot of ignorance is brewed and stigma surrounds the LGBTQ+ community. I’m glad to be a proud supporter and ally, especially here in the south.
I am straight, to keep the explanation short. Most of the time explaining any more detail of my identity just gets confusing and overwhelming for people who aren’t familiar with the terminology, so I stick with a generic term that is, for the most part, very fitting. However, since this is MY blog and I can do what I want, I’m gonna do some dictionary work and bring to you some info even our lord and savior JVN would approve (hopefully).
I identify on the Ace spectrum. Specifically, I am hetero-romantic, demisexual. WOW BIG WORDS. Lets break this down:
Hetero = one, generally. I am a female, interested in males. Romantic= Romantically (I am including *sensually* here too, which by the way is different than sexually!). So, in an essence, I am able to feel romantic attraction and sometimes sensual attraction with men, not women.
That was pretty easy. Now here is where things get complicated. What the fuck is asexuality? What the super fuck is demisexuality?
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. (Thanks Wikipedia!)
Demi-sexuality is a sub-category of asexuality, more recently coined under the grey-ace category which is a middle ground between true asexuality and sexuality.
This wonderful infographic gives insight on the particularities of demi-sexuality, because it can get confusing.
I have always identified this way, although I have not always known these terms and titles. I feel what I feel (or, rather, what I DON’T feel) and I have learned after many years in therapy and through self work, that I am okay and normal just the way I am! Also, any truly loving and committed partner will make an effort to understand me and meet me in the middle.
However, I still do not necessarily include myself in the LQBTQ+ community. The Ace community seems to be buried under the carpet during Pride, almost as if we don’t exist or aren’t included because of our *lack of* sexuality, if that makes sense? To be fair, a lot of people don’t really believe we exist. “You just haven’t found the right person” or “You’ll want it/ enjoy it some day,” and all that jazz.
We are here and we are real. I am grateful for online communities like this and this that help me see other ace-spectrum folks and feel a bit better about expressing any thoughts or confusions I have. I only wish that the Ace community had a bigger spot in the LGBTQ+ community… after all, why else represent the “+”? Not only that, but there are still individuals in the Ace community that identify as queer, transgender, or homoromatic (or homosexual if they are demi or gray ace). We definitely deserve a larger platform, but I have faith that the community will become more aware and accepting and time passes.
For now, I can only write about my experiences and share my thoughts on asexuality. If you would be interested in hearing more, let me know. I would love to read your story or opinion on the matter, too- so comment away.