I’m Back…

My last post on this blog was 9 months ago, in January. Now, it is mid-October and lots of changes have happened in my life.

I have wanted to return to the blog for a while now, but truthfully I have been unsure about what to post. Not that my life has been uneventful (it hasn’t), but after a while of getting into a rut of depression, and not posting regularly, I felt almost guilty trying to come up with something to post here when I’ve been so quiet.

If you have kept up with any of my other socials, you’ll see I’ve been alive and well. I have travelled quite a bit (at least, as much as I could with Covid), I have done a couple of modeling gigs, and even got married! I will need to make separate posts on all these topics because I definitely intend to get this site back up to date.

In March, I was working still at a psychiatrist’s office before getting laid-off before Covid hit. I’ve been waitressing part time, to make ends meet. I am blessed that financially, things have been okay. There have definitely been really bad points these past few months, but I have been able to keep things together as much as possible. I feel really lucky to be able to say that.

After being laid off, my life became unusually quiet. I was used to working two jobs, going to school, and trying to manage a social life. Suddenly, everything just came to a hault. The first few weeks, maybe even month or so, were actually pretty nice. I was happy to not have anywhere or anyone to report to, for the first time in years. But after a while, my depression started to deepen and things became much more difficult. I’m sure that a lot of people in the world right now can relate.

I’ve tried my absolute best to stay occupied and productive. But, admittedly, I have done less during these months than I feel I should have. In reality, I suppose I’ve accomplished a bit…I:

  • Moved into a townhouse
  • Finished some school
  • Fostered kittens
  • Got married
  • Maintained some form of income
  • Stayed on top of my antidepressants
  • Continued going to therapy

But there is such a huge part of me that feels unaccomplished. Why did I not let my blog flourish with all this new free time? Why did I not do better in school? Why did I not master a new hobby? I feel overwhelmed with things I could, or maybe “should” have done differently these past months. In many ways, I wish I allocated my time and energy differently so that I would have more to show by the end of the year.

Then again, I have to remind myself that this type of thinking is not healthy nor is it realistic. A lot of things have changed in the world this year. Between a global pandemic, personal depression, the rampant racism in the U.S., and the stress of the November elections, there has been *plenty* to deal with without adding on new hobbies or whatever else I “should” have been doing. I guess it is okay to just survive, for the time being.

In the past, I have aimed to post at least once a month so that at the end of the calendar year, I have a multitude of posts to refer back to. Because there has been such a delay between this post and my last, my intentions are to post more regularly so that I can get this blog back up and running.

How have you been handling 2020?

Nat

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