I feel an acute pain in my heart. A heaviness that weighs me down, I am left dragging my feet. The feeling is so intense. Eating is a chore, and I wish I could reignite the spark that once motivated me to cook, clean, and organize so thoroughly. I am sad and scorned, betrayed and hurt, and yet I love so purely and so deeply still.
People desire redemption for themselves, and justice for others. When they are in need, help is expected if not demanded. How dare the world turn a cold shoulder to me, they say! They need forgiveness. They need mercy. They need protection and comfort.
But no one wants to do the hard work, and give redemption and mercy to those in need. The homeless deserve their predicament. That customer was inconsiderate anyways. I will cut in front of you on the highway, but I be damned if you cut in front of me.
Why do humans function this way? We are selfish creatures- at least some of us. Humans become distracted with the ego, and fail to see the importance of the greater good. We are poorly trained in the art of delayed gratification. We lack patience, empathy, and respect. We take but do not give.
I am heavy. I am carrying the load of others on my shoulders. I constantly forgive. I am the last to judge or demonize. I am an empath by nature, a loving and caring soul, and I spread myself thin for people who only take and never give back. They rarely give back. They only give back if it somehow, someway, benefits them.
Why does the old soul weep? We see the ignorance of man and cry. We feel the pain and resentment of others and turn that energy into love and compassion- an expensive process, for the emotional mind. I sometimes wish things were different. I wish I could close my eyes, wake up, and begin to feel selfish and non-waivered in my human complex. How fresh it would feel to finally not feel the burdens of those without a heart.
Regardless, I stay true to my natural roots. I do not wish harm or discomfort for others. But I see how fragile I become when I allow too much energy in at once. I can only be nurturing for so long, until I too need to be nurtured and fed.
This post is to celebrate the empaths, the healers, the kind souls in this world. Do not change as you face a cruel world. Do not let your light and vibration dim because the world demands so. Our physical reality is only flesh. Our emotional, spiritual existence is eternal. I would rather spend my days uplifting others. I will not change my good heart. But please, do understand, I am tired.