Intensity isn’t always a bad thing. Intensely motivated, intensely driven, intense music, intense sports. Intensity, while it could be overwhelming, is an enriching experience more than anything.
But too often I am told that my personality, literally a fundamental factor in my very existence, is much too “intense” and aggressive for people to handle. It seems that in relationships, romantic or even friendly, having a passionate and dynamic soul is looked negatively upon. Some people have a hard time being around someone who wants enrichment, true connection, and the ability to get to know another person on a fundamental level.
I have cried too many tears over friends and lovers who mock my interests, good intentions and values because of their inability to relate. If I have learned anything over time, it is that many people prefer to live a simple and boring life, one that is easy and fundamentally simplified as a means to avoid stress and conflict. Those of us to love intensely, fight for their rights intensely, and have an otherwise “strong” sense of self and personality scare people like this away. We simply aren’t created for those in search of a mediocre life.
I have felt terrible about myself for years. I have wondered why I am unable to fit into a crowd normally. Why, for the love of God, can I not just be prim and proper and oh so lovely and laid back like I’m asked to be? What is so wrong with having an opinion, voicing it, and expecting people to fucking listen?
It has been difficult to find comfort within myself when I feel like I am faced with rejection and an inability to be understood. I try desperately to give those I love everything within my being, yet too often I am turned away with the excuse that I am too intense, too “much”, too highly strung. It is hurtful, depressing, and very much unsettling.
However, I have come to realize that I am not inherently wrong for being this way. I am not any less of a woman, any less of a friend or partner. I bring emotional intelligence, rationality, and extraordinary passion to each and every friendship and relationship I encounter. I can only be myself, and attempting to change for the sake of others who don’t understand me is fruitless.
I have found great comfort in friendships that I don’t have to change myself for. I have found people that don’t demand I alter myself, who accept me for who I am, and who appreciate my unique take on life and love. I know I am valuable and completely capable of being an amazing, loyal, and supportive friend and partner.
It is unfortunate and very heartbreaking for me to have lost great loves because of my unique personality. I have hated myself for my flaws instead of loving myself for my great abilities and uniqueness, and I have to realize that those who dismiss me to reject me are simply losing out in the end.
If you want a simple and “chill” life, I’m probably not the friend or lady for you. I crave deep bonds and passionate interactions, and I don’t want to feel like a misfit and a burden trying to appease someone. I know that I am normal, if not a bit odd, but nothing is wrong with me whatsoever. I have the great ability to love deeply, and I don’t think that is ever a bad thing.
Dont apologize for being intense. Instead, feel sorry for the other persons inability to love and appreciate your true self.