I have had a lovely and much needed break from social media, including but not limited to Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I deleted my Snapchat and Twitter completely, and deleted apps for the rest. This cleanse lasted for the greater portion of 2018 and was the best decision I EVER made to ease my anxiety.
Now that I feel more stable and well, I am open to experimenting with Instagram again because I have always thought it was a simple and easy way to share fun memories, and to also give exposure to my blog. I am also interested in becoming secretly IG famous and receiving tons of useless tea and some random clothes from Fashion Nova. (I am only slightly kidding…)
Anyway, this brings up a really hard topic for me to cover because, you know, anxiety.
Look, social media is great for posting selfies and stalking coworkers, but it also acts as a barrier in relationships. I can’t tell you how many times I had to pry men away from my account years back when I was posting regular gym selfies. These pictures weren’t even as provocative as others I have seen, yet men- MARRIED MEN AND MEN IN RELATIONSHIPS, MIND YOU- were most often the ones to like my photos, comment, and message me.
My issue has always been the context of what we follow and like, not necessarily social media itself. I would not mind if my partner had social media, or if he followed female friends, because guess what? I would do the same! I have completely platonic friends of all genders. However, I feel like there is a narrow line between having friends on your feed and engaging in their content. I follow male friends and coworkers online, but if they were to post something I consider sexual or inappropriate, I would not “like” that image or comment. It’s cool and all to think in my head, “Woah, my friend looks super healthy and fit with his abs!” but I do not think it is appropriate to actually press a button to signify this thought, ESPECIALLY if I am in a committed and monogamous relationship.
Seeing pictures of my hot gal pals is totally “YAAAS” worthy, but seeing that your boyfriend “liked” a sexy selfie of a female acquaintance just does not sit well with me. The same would go for women engaging in photos of men. Sexy selfies, shirtless photos, or otherwise more-than-friendly content is just a no-go for me. I feel that we should keep those -fleeting- thoughts in our own head and not have a paper trail online.
I have had issues in my past dealing with this, because I find that many men (or people in general, I suppose) are so incredibly desensitized to internet consumption that my concerns are apparently nonsensical, silly, or overbearing. Most people want to blame insecurity as the reason I have an issue with this, or perhaps that I am too jealous. LOL trust me, I’ve heard. it. all.
But the truth is that I have been in therapy extensively since 2016, and I find that I am very self aware of my personal needs and emotions. I am justifiable in my opinion not only because of my anxiety, but simply because I morally disagree with it.
*GASP!* Wait, you mean a strong, self aware and cognizant female is allowed to have her own opinion on something?! I’m allowed to have boundaries?!
Women tend to lower their standards simply because a self-entitled man wants to belittle their ability to think for themselves. While I understand that polygamous and open relationships are completely legitimate, each person and relationship is different and therefor should be able to have boundaries that fit their needs. What floats my boat might not be what you desire in a relationship, and that is okay! But do not minimize the needs of other people like me in order to accomplish your own agenda. Not cool, yo.
Also, I super duper KNOW I am not alone in this because even Derrick Jaxn, a renounced relationship and life coach, agrees in a way. If a woman has an issue with her man’s online activity, it is within her right to say something about it… and part of the commitment of her man to listen.
I read this interesting blog post. I like most of what the author has to say about social media, specifically Instagram. She writes:
“For example, if my boyfriend liked a photo of a girl’s ass on Instagram, I’d feel a little down about it. The thoughts in my mind would be, “Is my body not good enough? I don’t have an ass, and I don’t look like that.” In reality, I know that’s not the case. I’m bothered you decided to express your sexual attraction to a body that isn’t mine.“
!!!!!HELLO SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK, INTERNET FRIENDS!!!!!!!
Seriously. A relationship is about giving someone the ability to hurt you, but TRUSTING that they won’t. A mature man or woman would not dare hurt someone they love just for the sake of their ego. It’s a simple click, like, tap, whatever- just stop doing it.
SOOO… whatcha think?