Moving Forward, But Not Moving On

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Love is a strange emotion.

How can billions of people experience love in such a similar way, despite our distinct humanly differences? How can one person speak of heartbreak in a way that would easily touch someone on the other side of the world? I find this fascinating. Perhaps love is unique in it’s way to unite otherwise estranged beings.

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Love is strange in its ability to hurt just as much as mend. In my happiest times, love has been able to devastate me in ways I thought impossible- the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the expiration of a friendship. In my worst times, love has moreover been able to strengthen me. I’ve found solitude through love, knowing that despite financial struggles or emotional dispute, my love and loyalty stood firm with no limit to it’s capacity.

Or what about love during the happy times? Oh goodness, is that not the best? The warm feeling of gratitude and near-fantasy-esque glow of these beautiful times is incomparable to anything else. I have been blessed with these memories and the future for many more.

I hate to think that love could ever make worse of a situation. Love is such a pure element and feeling, however, that it can most definitely heighten already elevated feelings in times of despair. Heartbreak is my best, most personal example of this. I can not think of any pain worse than that of a broken heart, especially one that gave love unconditionally.

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I am still trying to process my feelings of heartbreak, despite my current state of balance. Recently I have examined my life and thought it to be a strange thing, because in many ways I see so much that has changed in my life (mainly for the better), but my inability to completely break my heart and thoughts from the past is nearly suffocatingly uncomfortable. I am taking steps in the right direction, the healthy direction, the direction towards the future. But sometimes I simply feel stuck. I become stuck in my own brain and chest and body, and I feel like I am squished awkwardly into a time warp from hell.

Time tries to heal wounds. But some wounds heal with permanent damage, regardless of the time past. I am moving forward, but I am unable yet to forget.

Nat

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